Grief is never simple, but suicide grief carries a unique weight. If you’ve ever lost someone to suicide, you know the pain doesn’t follow a predictable arc, but instead can leave behind unanswerable questions, a lingering sense of guilt and feelings of disorientation.
Unfortunately, this experience is far from rare. In 2023, more than 49,000 people in the U.S. died by suicide, and with the network of ‘suicide loss survivors’ (the precious aggrieved who have lost their loved one), there are millions of people walking around with wounds we can’t see.
Part of what makes suicide grief so painful is the abruptness of the loss, the impossibility of getting answers to questions, and the increased vulnerability of suicide loss survivors. Suicide is often an ending to a story that the loss survivors didn’t know was nearing its final chapter. In the absence of closure, people try to rewrite a past they can’t change, replaying every conversation, every missed sign, every ‘what if?’
Among the most deeply affected are young people. Research shows that suicide exposure is one of the strongest predictors of future suicidal behavior in youth. This is not about blame or inevitability but about recognizing a very real risk: exposure to suicide can sometimes increase the likelihood of others considering it. This phenomenon is often referred to as suicide contagion, or the ‘domino effect.’ Awareness is the first step in interrupting this chain reaction.
Survivors of suicide loss don’t always talk about it. This may be because they don’t know how, or because there isn’t someone to whom they feel free to express the impact of their loss. Suicide still carries a stigma — it doesn’t come up in casual conversations like other causes of death might. For those left behind, especially teens and young adults, the silence can be hard to bear. Many feel responsible, believing they should have seen it coming or done more. That misplaced guilt can be paralyzing and dangerous.
“The amazing thing about humans is that our joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. We can experience both — and this is also true for suicide loss survivors. Therapy and support groups can help normalize this aspect of the grieving process.”
Michelle Pargman, LMHC – Clinical Consultant
The toll of suicide grief may have a clinical impact as well as an emotional one. People who have lost someone to suicide face increased risks of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress and substance use. Their quality of life may take a hit or their trust in relationships may suffer. Suicide loss survivors may be more likely to experience suicidal thoughts themselves. These are profoundly human thoughts, not character flaws.
To prevent one suicide from leading to another requires us to think about how we talk and how we listen. Silence fuels shame and isolation. When we care for those who have lost someone to suicide, giving them space to talk about the loss with honesty, love and respect can help process profound complexity in helpful ways. Use clear language (i.e., died by suicide) instead of euphemisms, while also emphasizing that suicide is not the story or definition of someone’s life. Validate their loss, recognize the trauma of a sudden death and make space for their reactions and feelings (i.e. anger, sadness, confusion, relief). There is no ‘wrong’ way to feel about suicide, and it’s important not to ‘talk someone out of’ the emotion they’re experiencing.
Isolation is a risk factor for suicide. After a suicide loss, survivors can benefit from intentional, consistent connection. Even small gestures of checking in, inviting someone for a walk, and remembering important anniversaries can help loss survivors feel less isolated. Grieving parents, siblings or children may feel pressure to “stay strong,” but emoting in ways that come most naturally and having outlets for doing so can be important for healing.
The amazing thing about humans is that our joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. We can experience both — and this is also true for suicide loss survivors. Therapy and support groups can normalize this aspect of the grieving process. When we see that it’s possible to survive such loss and find meaning again, it can help to interrupt the domino effect. Letting go of guilt surrounding a suicide can be easier for survivors to internalize when they hear the stories of others who suffered the same loss. After losing a loved one to suicide, professional care isn’t a luxury — it is essential.
Care management can also be a vital resource in these cases. While therapy offers critical emotional processing, care managers can help survivors manage the ongoing, daily impact of suicide loss. They support treatment continuity, connect people to grief groups or psychiatric care, and continue to follow up long after the loss occurs. They help survivors rebuild routines, re-establish safety nets and rediscover meaning.
There’s power in acknowledging grief, and there’s relief in talking about it with others. If you or someone you know has lost someone to suicide, you don’t have to carry the weight of that loss by yourself. The earlier we intervene, the better chance we have of stopping the next domino from falling.
Michelle Pargman, LMHC is a clinical consultant at Lucet.
